Many intimate relationships will go through ups and downs, it is very normal for couples to have arguments and disagree on certain things, however, there are points where an argument or disagreement can actually illude to bigger issues, and in some cases, a relationship can turn toxic resulting in serious problems.
A toxic relationship can include a lot of different situations, from emotional abuse to domestic violence, each one is dangerous, and if you think that you may be in a toxic or abusive relationship and you want to leave it, then now is the time to break free and get away from your abusive partner before things get even worse.
Getting Help
If you think that you are in a toxic relationship and you have been noticing that there are strong signs such as controlling behaviors or there has been physical violence, then you need to look at getting help.
It can be hard to distance yourself, especially if you have come to rely on them, but taking the first step is essential.
Speaking to a family member or a doctor can help you set things in motion, or, if you need immediate action, then you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help and support.
You are not alone in this and you can get help to leave a toxic relationship to support your physical health and mental health.
What is a Toxic Relationship?
You might think that you are able to easily tell the difference between a toxic relationship and a healthy relationship, and whilst you may be able to see and hear toxic behaviors, they can also be hidden in plain sight.
Toxic Relationships Vs Abusive Relationships
There is an overlap between these types of relationships, but it is important to note that there are some differences to understand so you can determine what kind of situation you are in with your partner.
Abusive Relationships
This type of relationship will involve abuse with one partner always being in control.
This partner is aware of what they are doing and they decide to use abusive behavior to instigate violence and show dominance over the other partner.
It may start with emotional abuse which then moves over to physical violence.
The abuse shown can range from financial abuse where one is financially dependent on the other who controls all the money, to cultural abuse where they attack their heritage, use racial slurs, and make them not wear the clothes or items their faith allows.
Toxic Relationships
In a toxic relationship, one partner makes the other feel unsupported, misunderstood, and can demean them.
They can gaslight their partner by making them believe something that isn’t true and berating them for not understanding or getting things ‘wrong’ in their eyes.
Romantic relationships that are full of toxicity can progress into abuse depending on the sway the partner has over the other.
Signs of Being in a Toxic Relationship
It can be hard to confront toxic relationship people and what they are doing to you, but if you have been noticing more of these signs and you think that you do have a toxic partner, then you are going to need to take action to break out of these relationship patterns so you are not putting aside your own feelings and physical health.
Always Feeling Unhappy
When you are around them, do you always feel worse about yourself, or does your self-esteem drop pretty low each time you think about meeting up with them?
This is a sign of unhappiness in unhealthy relationships. This can lead to depression and anxiety if this feeling is constant.
You Are Their Only Friend
Do they spend practically all their time with you? They don’t go out and see others or spend time with anyone else but you?
That can be classed as toxic as they don’t have any outside interests and they rely on you for their every want and need which can be incredibly tiring and draining.
If they start showing signs of possessiveness and discouragement, then that is their toxic behavior shining through.
They Constantly Criticize You
Healthy relationships should be about supporting one another through ups and downs.
If they criticize you for your choices and make you feel bad about choosing something that you want to do, then they aren’t taking your emotions into account and are pushing your feelings to the side.
Your Friends and Family Don’t Like Them
They use emotional blackmail to pull you away from family, they don’t like you to see them without you, and they are constantly checking up on you when you are with them alone.
Toxic people don’t like to be far away just in case someone else opens your eyes to what they are really like and makes you feel like you should leave.
They get worried, and your family and friends can see it because they are on the outside looking in.
How to Get Rid of Toxic Relationships
Now that you know what to look out for, it is time to talk about finding ways to leave a toxic relationship and move on with your life so you are not stuck in something that will drag you further down.
Not only will your mental health improve but the physical benefits you will feel after leaving something so toxic is a bonus as well.
As time goes on you will be able to enter a healthy relationship without your previous relationship holding you back.
Build a Strong Support System
You are ready to leave, you know you need to leave, and now you need your friends and family to help you get through this first bit.
Speak to them about what has been going on and how you are ready to leave your partner.
Talk to them about what your plan of action is and how you want to do it.
If you need them there at any point, you can ask them to be with you so that you are not facing it alone.
You will need them on the day you leave as so many emotions will be coursing through your system that you will need to have people there that can rally you and show you that you made the right choice.
Don’t Go Back on Your Decision
It is important that you stay focused and you don’t go back on what you have decided.
Abusers and toxic people will try and get you to change your mind and might weave their way back in.
Stand firm with your choice and tell them that you are going to do this and that you are not going to go back on your word.
This is where your support system will be helpful as you can bring them along to stop the toxic partner from reacting badly to you or trying to force you to stay.
Cut Off Contact
Delete them from your phone, do not text or call them, and don’t answer any of their calls which they more than likely will be doing for a while to try and get you back on their side.
They will try and be very manipulative on the phone to get you to come back or they may hurl a lot of abuse at you.
You may need to change your number, and if you do, let your closest family and friends know so that they are the only ones who have your new number.
Don’t Go On Social Media
Unfortunately, social media can be very toxic by itself, but if you have them on there then they can go off on rants, post horrible things and try and get their friends to say the same.
Stay away from it, even delete it if you have to, and create a new private profile.
Anything that you can do to deter them from trying to get ahold of you.
Seek Professional Help
This is a delicate time, and whatever they have done to you during your relationship, you will probably be scarred by that, so talking to a therapist can help you process those emotions and work through the mental and physical pain you are feeling.
A therapist will try out different techniques that will be able to help you as well as get you to a place where you don’t feel scared anymore to potentially get you to move onto a new relationship without the holdups you had with your other one.
Write Down How You Feel
It can be very tough facing what happened to you, which is why writing down how you are feeling each day whether it be mentally or physically can help you get everything out there so that you don’t feel blocked up by everything that has happened and is happening.
Write down fears and worries, but also the hopes you have and the positive things you are going through.
Writing will be able to help you at times when you don’t know which way to turn and you can also use them when you have therapy sessions.
Surround Yourself With Good People
If you had to cut off any of your family whilst being in a toxic relationship or see your friends less and less, now is the time to reconnect with them and get that positivity back.
If you had friends that have left you and they don’t care, then do not try and get them back into your life, they have made their decision and it is just going to make you feel worse.
You have nothing to apologise for, it was not your fault that a bad relationship happened to you, and if they were your real friends then they would understand that.
Connect with the ones who are sticking by you and want to help you through this next stage in your life.
Don’t Give Up On Yourself
You went through something bad, and no matter the sympathy from others, they won’t know what you went through because it is specific to you.
There will be times when you really don’t know how to react and you might feel fed up, weak, and tired, which may lead you back to them.
Stop.
You can get through this and you will come out the other side, don’t give up on yourself and the journey you have made so far, you can keep going and you will be able to fight through this next part.
It takes time, everything does.
Breathe and keep going.
Conclusion
When you leave a toxic relationship you are leaving behind something you thought would be forever.
It may have not started out as toxic, but it progressed into that, and it was not meant to be.
Grieve for as long as you need to, but remember, it is the right decision, and you deserve to live a happy life with a partner who loves and respects you for who you are.